Laertes is saying goodbye to Ophelia and preparing to depart for France when his father arrives. Polonius lectures L'art about a lot of things and gives him life advice. The speech goes like this (you know the drill by now, I think):
You're still here? Get on the ship!
The wind sits in your ship's sails,
And they are waiting for you. Here, I give you my blessing again.
And try to remember these rules of life:
Look at your character. Don't say what you think,
And don't be too quick to act on what you think.
Be friendly, but don't go too far.
Once you find trustworthy friends,
Hang onto them for dear life.
Don't waste time shaking hands
With everyone you meet.
Don't be quick to pick fights, but, if you get in one,
Hold your own.
Listen to a lot of people, but don't talk to a lot of people.
Listen to others' opinions, but keep your own judgement private.
Spend what you can on clothes,
But make them quality, not flashy.
Clothes show the man,
This is doubly true in France.
Don't borrow money. Don't lend money.
Loaning money often loses you a friend and the money,
And borrowing dulls the management of one's money.
Above all, be true to yourself,
Because then it must follow, like night to day,
That you will not be false to anyone.
Goodbye. I hope my blessing with make you absorb what I have said.
Yes, Polo Shirt's life advice is very weird. I remember reading this scene for the first time and finding Polonius to be one large contradiction. In some ways, he is.
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